For this those who have been told they don't know Jack Schitt.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. In 1957, Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. Jack Schitt grew up and married Noe, and together Jack and Noe Schitt produced 6 children:

• Holie Schitt  (who came to be known as "The Lucky Schitt")
• Fulla Schitt
• Shineola  (who didn't really have the Schitt Face)
• Giva Schitt
• Bull Schitt  (who really looked like Schitt, the father),
• and the twins: Dip Schitt and Deep Schitt.

Dip Schitt was not very bright, and was known as "a stupid Schitt," and she married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out who happened to share the same last name (no relation, however). Friends affectionately nicknamed them "The Schitts". Their marriage produced no little Schitts.

The other twin, Deep Schitt, went on to build a deodorant empire, which became famous for it's slogan: "Smell Like Schitt." Interestingly, that slogan only worked in the United States, and another slogan was more popular in the U.K.: "Put a dab of Schitt on your pits." When the company launched it's product into Australia, a third slogan was used successfully: "Smell Like Schitt Down Under".

However, trouble developed and Noe Schitt divorced Jack and promptly married a nice man named Ted Sherlock, but being a modern woman, she decided to hyphenate her name. She become known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Jack was depressed at losing Noe, but he, too, remarried a nice lady named Loda. The blushing bride, Loda Schitt, produced a son of nervous disposition, whom they named Chicken Schitt. Jack and Loda went on to produce two more boys, Crappy Schitt and Ugglee Schitt.

These athletic brothers, Krappy and Ugglee, married the stunningly beautiful Happens Sisters in a dual ceremony. The "Schitt-Happens" Wedding was a huge affair, and this union also produced many offspring:

• Dawg Schitt
• Byrd Schitt
• Hoarse Schitt
• and Pigh Schitt

But once again, Jack lost his love for his wife, and left to tour the world. He recently returned from an extended visit to Italy with his newest bride, Pisa. Presently Jack Schitt and his 3rd wife, Pisa Schitt, are living without children in New Jersey on property which contains a stream of water, now known to the locals as "Schitt Creek."

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Heroes and the Media

Firefighters, police officers, airline pilots, etc. who do their duty (what they are paid to do as a part of their job) during disasters are hailed as heroes by the media and it bombards the public with reports about the "heroism." For example, a pilot who crashes lands an aircraft without the loss of life as he was trained to do.  Whereas, military personal who perform these same duties during military or civilian disasters or during war, are completely ignored by the media. However, if military personnel do anything wrong, it is headline news. Who says the media is biased?

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Carry on without me

Are you a part of a team or an event? Have you told other team or event members that you want them to carry on as usual in the event you die suddenly? If not you are a rarity. In every case of a team or event member dying in a fire, robbery, aircraft crash, etc. just before the team is scheduled to play or the event is supposed to take place, the coach or event director says that the person wanted the team to play or event to take place as scheduled. Apparently, every person tells their teammates this, so if you have not, you had better do it, otherwise, if you die suddenly, they will cancel the game or event. Yea! Right!

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Windows Smart and Windows Stupid

People complained that Windows XP was too vulnerable to external attacks, so Microsoft added tighter security measures to the Vista version of Windows. Then people complained that the automatic security measures were too obtrusive, too annoying, and did not allow users to change them. Microsoft released a beta version of the new Windows 7 in which the security measures are made less obtrusive, less annoying, and give users the ability to modify some of the security measures. Now people are complaining that the new security measures are not obtrusive enough and that too much is left up to user discretion.

The problem with Windows is that Microsoft releases it in four versions:  Basic, Home, Business, and Ultimate. It should only release two versions: Windows Smart, for those smart enough to use it, and Windows Stupid, for those too stupid to learn to use it.

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Senior Discount

The local YWCA had an enrollment special in January. An adult membership was only $30 a month. I went to join and was told the fee was $33 a month. I asked why the price increase, and the clerk said the special was only for adult memberships, not senior memberships; so I told him to make mine an adult membership. I waited 63 years to get a senior discount only to find I get a better deal by not being a senior.

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Handicapped Parking

Outside the front door of the YWCA I attend is a row of about 10 handicapped parking spaces that are full of cars every day. When you look around inside the building, you may see one person in a wheelchair but everyone else appears able. It appears that most of the people are so handicapped that they cannot walk a few extra feet to get get into the gym where they then walk for many minutes on the track or on a treadmill. While serving as the senior enlisted adviser at the Navy's law enforcement academy, I used to have young students complain that they had to walk or run a mile to get to the gym to workout. Able or disabled, there are people who think they deserve special treatment because they are lazy. Apparently, laziness is a disability.

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Deserter

In 2002, Cliff Cornell, now 29, of Mountain Home, Arkansas, who says he can’t stomach the thought of killing, enlisted in the army. When he was told he would be deployed to Iraq in January 2005, he deserted and fled to Canada. Now that Canada is ready to deport him, he has decided to turn himself into the military police.

According to Cornell, "During my training, I was ordered that, if anyone came within so many feet of my vehicle, I was to shoot to kill. I didn't join the military to kill innocents." Who says that people who keep approaching a military vehicle in war zone after being warned to stop are innocent? In addition, if Cornell thought they were innocent, then he could disobey orders and not fire at them. After all, he has demonstrated that he is not afraid to disobey orders. Cornell got some new tattoos while in Canada, apparently he thought they would look impressive on a YELLOW background.

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Gospel Music

Isn't it ironic how drug abusing, alcoholic, smoking, adulterous, cursing, popular singers and rappers always make at least one gospel or Christmas music album. Isn't it ironic that people who buy these albums feel inspired from listening to music created by people who say and do everything that Christianity abhors. This only go to support my belief that, in general—people are idiots!

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Land

Palestinian’s say the land where Israel is located belongs to them. How did the Palestinian’s get the land they claim belongs to them? They took from someone else. That is how every country got its land. Indians claim the United States stole their land from them. How did the Indians get the land; they took it from weaker tribes. The Indians were not peace-loving natives who lived in harmony with nature. They captured, tortured, enslaved, and killed men, women, and children in rival tribes, and then took over their land. Then the more powerful Europeans came and took the land from the Indians. Land, and thus countries, only belongs to those who are powerful enough to take and hold it. There is no universal entitlement to land ownership.

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